How a 💭 Becomes a Post: The Panty Chronicles

If You Were a Pair of Panties: 

A Deeply Philosophical Discussion (with unexpected oversharing)

This is gold. Who knew that one innocent ride-or-die question would spiral into a full-blown analysis of friendships through the lens of underwear metaphors? I figured people would either pick one, drop an emoji, or move on with their day—not realizing I have the funniest, most creative, slightly unhinged friends and family who took this and ran with it.

But then it took a hilarious turn. What was suppose to be a discussion about what kind of panties best represent YOU— derailed into people sharing their favorite actual panties, which was not the assignment. Despite the unexpected oversharing, there were some truly funny responses worth sharing.

SIDE NOTE: I SLEPT! I ACTUALLY, REALLY, REALLY FINALLY SLEPT!

Maybe—just maybe—it’s because I finally have some closure on my timeline, which I’ll share with all of you later down the road. Truly having an understanding of everything and its progression gave me the comfort I was looking for. I know some people thought I should put it to rest, and, of course, everyone had their own opinions on how it happened—this, that, and everything in between. But that’s a blog for another day. The point is, I have the actual timeline, and I’ve found a lot of peace with it. So stay tuned for that one.

And Now, Back to the Panties…

Now, let’s all enjoy some laughs together as I share the best (and appropriate) entries from this ridiculous conversation.

Full coverage granny panties!

Granny panties was the first one—before I even made the post—because apparently, some things just write themselves (description included below in case you need it). And now? The floodgates are open. Here are a few more gems that have emerged:

The Whale Tail/Tale?

Z: I want to be a whale tale ;)

M: Huh?  Underwear?

Z: Yes (insert picture🫣)

M: 💭

My middle child—my bold, hilarious, and unapologetically herself daughter—described herself as a whale tail. And honestly? That tracks. A whale tail isn’t just a piece of fabric peeking out—it’s a statement. It’s fearless, unbothered, here-I-am energy. It’s 2000s rebellion, confidence in motion, and a reminder that some people live life worried about what others think… and some just own it. And my girl? She owns it.

And honestly, it’s kind of perfect, considering her lifelong love affair with her beloved ‘Whaley.’ I was going to say she slept with him until elementary school, but let’s be real—Zoe, I’m pretty sure he’s still in your room now. Full circle moment? Yes!

Day-of-the-week Underwear—The Rebecca

The human embodiment of Nostalgic, reliable, and slightly chaotic when things get out of order. She’s got the practicality of Monday, the unpredictability of Wednesday (because let’s be real, no one actually wears them on the right days), and the all-out, let’s-just-survive-this energy of Friday.

She’s the kind of friend you’ve had forever—the elastic that never gives out, no matter how many times life stretches it. You might not see her every day, but she’s always there, like that one pair you keep in the back of the drawer just in case. The print may have faded, and the seams might be holding on for dear life, but she’s dependable, comfortable, and absolutely irreplaceable.

And let’s not forget—she’s also the loudest, funniest, most outgoing pair in the pack. The one that makes you laugh at the worst moments, yells inappropriate things at just the right times, and reminds you that no matter what happens, she’s got you covered.

The Magic Mike Panties Edition: Featuring The Benji

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have our first male entry into the Panty Chronicles. Because nothing—and I mean nothing—is off-limits in this circle.

Benji isn’t just a friend—he’s that friend. The one who could pull off a last-minute party with nothing but sheer willpower and questionable connections. The one who, if I said, “We need 50 people, a keg, and a live band in two hours,” would just nod and say, “Got it.” The guy who made things happen before logistics could catch up.

So, naturally, when asked what kind of panties he’d be, Benji delivered:

1. The dirty sexy ones—not because he is, but because he’s a fan.
2. The ones with holes—but let’s say ripped because it sounds way more intentional.

Basically, Benji is the perfect mix of well-worn, slightly sketchy, but still in rotation. The kind that stays with you no matter what. The kind that never lets you down.

And that, my friends, is The Benji in panty form—classic, a little questionable, but absolutely irreplaceable. Loyal, loving, and always there—no matter what.

The Emperor’s New Underwear –The TB (the person, not the disease )

Handcrafted from the rarest material known to man: absolutely nothing. Designed for the one person holding everything (and everyone) together while personally opting for zero support. Invisible, yet undeniably present—much like his ability to solve everyone’s problems while neglecting his own basic needs. Unparalleled breathability. Zero chafing (we hope). A bold choice for a man who carries the weight of the world but refuses to carry a waistband.

Big Girl Panties –  I have no idea who this might be.

The ultimate survival gear. Life keeps throwing punches, knocking you down, and occasionally stomping on you for good measure—but you? You pick yourself up, brush off the bullshit, and keep moving. Sure, sometimes there’s a step back (or a full-on collapse onto the floor), but that’s just a brief intermission before you stand up again. No whining, no quitting—just sheer determination wrapped in a healthy dose of sarcasm. These aren’t the dainty, lacy kind of panties; these are the reinforced, battle-ready, full-coverage kind that can handle anything.(Unlike Granny Panties, who are always covering for the Big Girl Panties when they need a minute to pull themselves together.)

And just like that, a new blog is born. Because if there’s anything I’ve learned from this mess of a conversation, it’s that friendships—like underwear—come in all shapes, sizes, and questionable choices.

Oh, and while you’re here, feel free to answer the new question—or if you want me to describe you, send me your panty personality (not the actual pair—seriously, do not send me your actual pair). Because, again, I am not here to discuss your real underwear.

Just in case you missed the original list. Here it is:

Life’s been a little granny panties on the outside of joggers lately—functional, ridiculous, and somehow still getting the job done. But let’s talk about you, my people. If our friendship were a pair of underwear, what kind would it be?

1. The favorite pair—go-to, comfortable, and absolutely necessary for survival.
2. The holy ones—well-loved, been through it all, possibly falling apart but still hanging in there.
3. The naughty ones—probably causing trouble, definitely making life more interesting.
4. The cheap ones—not in quality, but in attitude. You keep it real, and I respect that.
5. The ones that actually cover my butt when I need them to—the true ride-or-die, always there when it matters most.
6. The ones that crawl up your butt—always in my business, but in a way that somehow works.
7. The ones that don’t have the strength to hold me up—love you, but let’s be real, you’d probably pass out first in a crisis.
8. The ones that get a little twisted—things might get chaotic, but we make it work.
9. And of course, the granny panties —maybe not the flashiest choice (but they can always surprise you), but they’ve got full coverage, never ride up on you, and always hold you together when life sags a little.

Chemo & Cocktails: Not Exactly What I Ordered

So, I did Dry January (sort of), and while I’m not sure where that’s taking me this week, I do know the cocktails I’ll be getting soon are definitely not the ones I’d choose. Since we’re on the topic, let’s have some fun—if your personality were a cocktail, what would it be and why?

Here are a few examples to get you started:

1. Old Fashioned – Strong, classic, with just a little bitterness.
2. Margarita – Fun, a little salty, always the life of the party.
3. Espresso Martini – Running on caffeine, chaos, and a touch of class.
4. Whiskey Sour – A perfect balance of sweet and sour, just like your mood swings.
5. Piña Colada – Dreaming of the beach, even when life is a hurricane. 🙋🏼‍♀️

I’ve mixed up a couple of cocktails with very specific people in mind—consider this my bartender’s choice. Who are you?

1. Apple Martini – Sweet on the surface, but that sharp, tart bite sneaks up on you fast. Playful, always dressed to the nines, and never one to fade into the background. A solid choice for someone who seems effortless and elegant—until they decide you need to hear exactly how it is. No mischief here, just an unapologetic dose of honesty, served ice-cold and with perfect posture.
2. Straight Up, Two (Fine, Three) Fingers of Scotch – Strong, stubborn, and convinced it’s the only real drink in the room. Goes down smooth at first, but that burn? Oh, it stays with you. Not for the weak—this one demands you meet it on its terms. No mixers, no nonsense. It sits in the corner, arms crossed, silently judging your choices, absolutely uninterested in whether or not you can handle it. A little bitter, a little intense, and definitely not here for your fruity cocktails. You don’t sip this—you survive it.

Now, your turn—what’s your cocktail? Bonus points if you not only pick your drink but also correctly guess who inspired these masterpieces. And another bonus point if you can tell me who is “THE BIG GIRL PANTIES”. Who truly hears me?❤️